{tomorrow keeps coming: brooklyn update}

i handed brooklyn to her parents on january 12th, 2015. it was bittersweet. i knew i'd see her again; her parents welcomed me as "family" and encouraged a continued relationship. i might've guessed i'd see them... yearly? god definitely had other plans; doesn't he always? 

long story short, brooklyn's insurance doesn't consider their local children's hospital a center of excellence for pediatric liver transplants. lurie children's hospital of chicago(!!!) is one of the approved hospitals and quickly became her family's choice. 

say what!?!? the little girl who had captured my heart within the walls of an orphanage on the other side of the world and taught me about loving radically would be coming to chicago? on a regular basis? and i'd get to continue having a relationship with her and her forever family? not to mention walk alongside them for all-things-hospital and transplant related?

brooklyn has been in chicago now twice for pre-transplant work-up/testing. meeting up with her here has been an indescribable experience. she's thriving in her family! her development is exploding! it's like all the potential i saw in her in china coming to life before my very eyes. not to mention the blessing of getting to know her family... lifelong relationships for sure!

sometimes i forget that just months ago brooklyn had (from my human perspective, at least) no real hope.... no family, no options for medical treatment, etc. 

brooklyn is now on the liver transplant list and we pray and wait for the phone call. it could be tomorrow. it could be months from now. there is probably even a small possibility (although who wants to acknowledge that) that it could never happen. while i do have tremendous hope for brooklyn's future now, her medical situation still demands radical faith and trust and surrender. (and i'm only her auntie!) 

would you join me in praying for the perfect match and timing of her liver transplant? and for her parents as they are really the ones living out this "waiting." 

the more i'm involved in brooklyn's story, the more it keeps me in awe of god, reminding me of his abilities and all that he has and continues to do in her life. i'm so thankful to have the privilege of loving her (and now her family too) again; tomorrow keeps coming!

"Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity. 

Love like there's no tomorrow, 

and if tomorrow comes, love again.”   

Max Lucado   

{adjusted. adjusting.}

i've been home from china for ~2 months. between returning to work, getting sick, opening months worth of mail, traveling out of state for a friend's wedding (and again for my grandma's funeral), attending a continuing education course, catching up with family & friends, visiting a different ill grandmother, doing taxes and other "life" stuff, etc., i think am finally starting to catch my breath. phew.

i had big plans to sit, process, and blog more stories, updates and reflections on the experience as a whole, but so far that has not happened. i'm still hopeful it will, and in some ways, getting something on this blog tonight is a first step.

many have asked if i'm "adjusted" to being home, and in the most basic sense of the word, i am. obviously there is no longer jet-lag and i'm going about my day-to-day activities per usual. 

but there are, honestly, instances where i'm not adjusted, but adjusting and it's hard. hard because you return to a place where no one experienced what you did; no one fully "gets" it. hard because you have knowledge of what you left behind which can nearly haunt you; what are you suppose to do with all that now that you're back? hard because time away from and/or missing certain aspects of life (in the US) often leads to them being idolized and/or romanticized, and the gap between that and the reality is often disappointing. hard because you're wondering where (passionately, culturally, etc.) it is that you fit. hard because the various perspectives from which you've now observed foster care and adoption paint a much bigger, messier picture: one that can still be described as amazing(!), while simultaneously highlighting, at best, broken systems in a broken world. 

at the end of the day, adjusted or still adjusting... it was 4+ months of wonderful, hard, deeply saddening, amazing, challenging, heart-wrenching, frustrating, stretching, life-changing... all wrapped up into one. i experienced god's favor in ways i never have before. i learned to depend on and trust him for things that really seemed (humanly) impossible. i've been blessed by unique relationships with people, some i've yet to meet in person, who have similar hearts and passions for caring for orphans. i tasted of the lord's goodness and was clearly reminded that jesus is the only hope for our broken humanity. 

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 34:8

May the God of hope 

fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, 
so that you may overflow with hope 

by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

{hk airport & good news}

while i sat in this airport at the start of this 4-month china stint, i got the news that a boy i called timothy had officially been match with his forever family. this was fantastic news to me, as he was a boy that captivated and burdened my heart after my short-term trip to the beiliu orphanage in 2013. (that post can be read here.)

well, here i am 4 months later, back at the hong kong airport. and guess what... i just got the news that "timothy" (now called joshua by his forever family) will be adopted next week! 

for me, joshua truly represents a picture of god rescuing orphans. in just a little over a year, he'll have gone from being found in a locked orphanage room to a foster home to his forever family. and the transformation that has simultaneously occurred as he's received love and attention and nutrition is truly remarkable. not only has his physical appearance vastly changed, but he's now walking and learning and playing and laughing, etc., which is a stark contrast from the institutionalized-like behavior he demonstrated when i first met him. 

i can't wait to see pictures of him with his forever family! and the best part, i know god isn't done transforming him yet. i'm sure there will be issues to work through, even once he's with his forever family, having experienced such a traumatic past. however, i would like to claim, in faith, god's complete healing for this amazing little boy. and i pray that some day he'd know his heavenly father who rescued him.

{a sweet handoff}

4 months ago none of us knew she existed.

but one mid-september day the jaundiced baby girl with big round eyes caught my attention.

various chinese doctors said she wouldn't live very long.

we advocated for her nonetheless.

a family stepped out in faith to call her their own. 

everyone worked hard and fast(!) on paperwork (family, adoption agency, orphanage, etc.).

god knocked our socks off by raising her adoption expenses in a matter of days.

more paperwork was completed.

lots of people prayed.

god moved mountains!

and a few hours ago, i had the awesome privilege of handing brooklyn over to her parents!!

and by tomorrow/tuesday morning (china time), when i'm boarding my plane to come home, 

it'll be official: she'll no longer be an orphan!

it was definitely a pretty sweet way to end this 4-month stint in china.

and a forever reminder that if something is god's will, nothing can stop it from happening. 

join me in praising god for what he's done; all glory to him alone!

and let's keep praying for sweet brooklyn... 

-for her to easily and quickly feel safe and loved by her forever family

-for her health to hold steady until she's back in the states 

-for her future liver transplant

{longing for family}

a few weeks ago we contacted families that had adopted from this orphanage in the years past, asking if they'd be willing to share pictures of their children. we obtained photos of the children when they were either still here at the orphanage or newly adopted, as well as pictures of them today (which in some cases, is years later). we printed and laminated the photos, identified the children with both their original chinese and new english (if applicable) names, month/year of adoption and their family name.

i think i had close to 18 families in the final project, which was hung across the room where the nannies dress and bathe the children. (plans were to put a nice bulletin board or something together, but the orphanage director nixed the idea of putting a more permanent fixture anywhere. and because the local stores only sold fluorescent colored pieces of large paper, the final project was definitely a bit more elementary school style-ish than i would have liked, but it got done nonetheless.)

the nannies love updates, especially photos, of the kids they've cared for. i am hoping this might provide daily encouragement for them to love and care for the children well.

on christmas eve, when i took some cookies, christmas music, coloring, etc., and headed upstairs, one of the older non-verbal boys grabbed my arm. he loves treats, so i was sure he wanted to see what exactly i had with me. but it wasn't that. he took me into the room where the photos were hanging. he started verbalizing sounds, pointing at the photos, etc. at first i asked him if he remembered someone in the photos, as he'd older and probably remembers most everyone on the wall. but that clearly wasn't it. i watched his gestures again, and after pointing to the pictures on the wall, he kept pointing to himself. then i got it; he wants a family. when i asked him if he wanted a family, just like the kids on the wall, he immediately started shaking his head, "yes!"  

pray for zachery and all those he represents who long for family. even though some of them have never been around a family and likely have no real concept of that what is, they still long for it... to be loved... to have someone's attention... to be hugged.... and everything else their little minds hope "family" entails.

{snippets}

below are a few subjects that are currently "drafts" on my blog, but have not evolved into actual posts due to time. and because it may not happen before i finish my stay here, thought i'd at least share as snippets...


{adoption is second best}
i often remind myself that adoption exists because of the fallen world we live in. because otherwise, as good as adoption can be, it can ever compare to a child being loved and cared for by their own parents. adoption is, and will always be, second best.  


{real answers to real questions}
no, i'm not a spy! do i look like a spy?

and no, americans don't adopt children from china to conduct lab experiments. yes, this even applies to families adopting children with special needs; they are NOT doing so for the purpose of furthering science somewhere. 

(unfortunately all these answers have been used on more than one occasion.) 


{gotcha day}
i've never been a fan of that adoption terminology which many use to mark the day a child enters their adoptive family. and now that i've experienced all that i have these past few months... i think it is fair to say i strongly dislike the phrase. 

amongst other opinions, i feel the phrase significantly belittles all that a child has gone through and makes them sound like an object of a game such as "tag" or "hot potato." no judgement to those who use this phrase, but if i ever have the privilege of adopting some day... there will be no "gotcha day."


{don't forget the foster moms}
i've witnessed two different foster moms as they've had to say good-bye to four different children being adopted. and i cannot begin to describe what i observed. 

not that any length of time is easier than another, but in two of the situations the girls had been a part of their foster family for 6(!!) years. can you imagine caring for a child as your own, and then, after six years, having to say good-bye? and unfortunately, due to culture, language, socio-economic status and educational differences (that limit the likelihood of keeping in touch via technology, even if it were allowed/encouraged), these "good-byes" may be forever.

  

  

{a therapist's nightmare}

while i was away a few weeks ago, one of the children had some sort of episode where her foster mom said she "turned blue". she was taken to the hospital for a work-up, but from what i've gathered nothing concrete was determined. the only thing they said was to return to the hospital for "therapy" twice a week.

yesterday i was asked if could take her, as there was a shortage in nannies. sure, i thought; not only do i want to help out whenever i can, but i'm also always up for seeing what "therapy" looks like in this country.

the first 30 minutes involved a "therapist" repeating this set routine of movements (3-4 times thru) to jennifer. it consisted of a lot of quick passive range of motion exercises to arms, legs and neck, pulling and pushing on her extremities, vigorous and firm deep tissue massage(?), putting her in positions (e.g. prone on extended arms) and holding her there for minutes at a time, and doing a few pull-to-sits and facilitating her rolling from back to belly (but done so quickly there was no chance for her to engage her muscles). 

oh, and the last 30 minutes consisted of them putting electrodes on each of her shoulders/upper arms and hooking her up to some form of electrical stimulation while i held her.

UGH! i wanted to scream. and jennifer, she did cry and/or scream for probably all but 1-2 minutes of the entire hour, along with every other child that i observed while i was there. (sometimes kids do cry during therapy, but this was different and wrong on so many levels; i'd actually hypothesize this "therapy" may be detrimental to their development.)

the therapist never once engaged jennifer or even spoke to her for that matter. there were no toys. and probably <5 minutes (giving them the benefit of the doubt) of the hour was spent doing anything remotely related to her learning to use her muscles for something purposeful/playful/developmental.

and the most scary part... jennifer's limitations (she does have delayed motor skills) matched nothing that was addressed during this "therapy" session. for example, her range of motion is perfectly within normal ranges. but this cookie cutter "routine" was performed on every child that came in, regardless of the therapist and regardless of the child's diagnosis. 

needless to say, i tried to dialogue with the therapists but my language skills weren't proficient enough. :(  i'm sure all they're thinking is there is no way this lady is really a physical therapist in america.  

i informed the orphanage yesterday that i would not take her back there. if they wanted to, they could, but this was not something i would do for them. (and i explained why, in my professional opinion, it was less than ideal...but that i'd gladly keep doing physical therapy with her while i'm at the orphanage.)  

  

jennifer gave me this smile during our therapy session today!