{not for the faint of heart}

i've been reflecting on my first stint at the beiliu orphanage. while words won't do justice, i'll try to highlight a few exhilarating, heartbreaking, exhausting and even ugly moments. and then there are the hard realities; things i can't allow myself to focus on (too much) for risk of being completely overwhelmed and paralyzed. but with that said, all the more reason to trust god to do BIG god-sized things at this orphanage.

  
here's a small glimpse into my week there...

exhilarating moments:
-getting cameron (baby with extreme failure to thrive) safely to his new foster home (via sleeper bus + typhoon)
-getting brooke (baby in liver failure) to smile and laugh
-discussing potential medical management for those children with medical needs
-dreaming about what it might look like if the nannies knew the love of god
-getting permission for a teenage refugee(?) girl to come out of her locked room and help me care for the babies (not that i'm promoting child labor, but feeding a baby provides more human interaction than do the walls of her empty room)

heartbreaking moments:
-seeing 2 new babies arrive to the orphanage in the short time i was there
-hearing brooke cry when i put her back in her crib the morning i left

exhausting moments:
-me (one person) trying to make a dent in the needs of all the attention-starved children
-communication with nannies given the language barrier

ugly moments:
-losing my patience, especially when trying to help the older school-aged children understand that hitting, taking things from each other, etc., are not acceptable behaviors (but then feeling bad when i remember that they've never had loving instruction or discipline, and that most of what this environment teaches is survival)

some of the hard realities...
-too many of these children are malnourished
-too many of these children NEVER leave their cribs except for bath time
-too many of these children are getting older and/or have disabilities such that the likelihood of them ever experiencing life beyond the orphanage or the love of a forever family is highly unlikely

one truth:

the "fatherless" are mentioned throughout scripture; god has not forgotten about them.


it was a great and a hard week all wrapped up into one.  i'm thankful god has given me the strength to handle such work, as it is definitely not for the faint of heart. not sure what will be in store for me next month there, but i'll keep you posted.  :)

i'll leave you with 3 prayer requests:
1. for cameron to begin thriving and gaining weight 
2. for brooke to be accepted for a liver transplant 
3. for the children (like trey, robert, stephen, etc.) who are currently waiting... that they'd be matched quickly with their forever families

{is favoritism inevitable?}

i've been at the orphanage 3 days now and am afraid i might already be developing favorites. i know i shouldn't, but it just happens. maybe because of my medical background or maybe it is the spirit leading me... but for whatever reason it seems i end up falling for the most fragile of the bunch. 

while i hope to introduce you to several who reside at this orphanage while i'm here, i'll start by asking for prayer for these two...

this is a little boy who recently turned 7 months and is failing to thrive (weighs less than 8 pounds). although he still has a fever, i saw some more activity from him today as compared to when i first arrived... a smile, weak crying around mealtime, attempts to play with a ball, etc. pray for wisdom in knowing what it is that this precious life needs to start thriving and how to accomplish that here.

the second is a 9 month old little girl who is in some degree of liver failure (unsure if you can appreciate her extreme jaundice). she is a beautiful little peanut who loves getting on her hands and knees and has figured out how to scoot backwards. she is often wide-eyed and serious, but i'm determined to get her smiling very soon. pray for medical expertise and treatment options for this little girl.  

these situations can be overwhelming because i want to save them all!  frustration can ensue when i allow myself to focus on the lack of medical resources they have access to here. i have no choice but to entrust them to god, as he is the giver and sustainer of all of our lives (and has clearly been sustaining these two long before i arrived). may his will be done in these children's lives, and if i can help to advocate or network or provide some earthly/human thing they need, may i be used by him to do so.  

{what would you do for love}

a baby girl arrived at the orphanage this afternoon. i had wondered if i'd be around when someone new came, but didn't expect it on day 2 of my being here. in disbelief, i asked the nanny several times who she was (thinking/hoping i had missed meeting her before).   
              

i was told that her family was likely from the village and too poor to obtain medical treatment for her crossed eyes. so for them, love is giving her up in the hopes of treatment and a better life than they could offer.  

i'm still trying to wrap my head around this as it seems extremely unfortunate on so many levels, and possibly even preventable. like i wish i could help get her treatment and give her back to her parents. is that crazy thinking? or is she meant to be adopted; is she the answer to some family's prayers who have been longing for a child? 

for me, no matter how much involvement i have with orphans and adoption, i think there will always be this tension; it is simply evidence of the broken world we live in. join me in pleading for god's will to be done in this baby girl's life tonight, his good, pleasing and perfect will.

{to be known}

i'm sitting here in the hong kong airport, waiting for my flight to kunming.  taking advantage of the great wi-fi, i've been reading emails and facebook messages, while also making flashcards for all the kids at the beiliu orphanage.  (my goal is to know all of their names and stories by the end of my first visit there, next week.)

today i got a message from a family that brought tears (of joy and amazement) to my eyes.  
let me go back to last year... in november i was privileged to be in a room on the 2nd floor of an orphanage in beiliu.  it is there that i and my teammates found this little boy.  

from the moment i scooped him up out of his crib, he captured my heart.  his body was so frail and weak, but his smile and laughter so joyful and contagious.  

i remember feeling compelled to do something, anything, for him, but left feeling pretty much helpless.  i mean i got to feed him a few meals (that he seemed to thoroughly enjoy) and love on him, but the ~24 hours that i knew him didn't afford much. 

before leaving the orphanage, still feeling desperate to do something, i expressed to the directors (in my broken chinese) that he was my favorite and he should get to sleep and play where the other children do. then i left china and came home, but still couldn't get him out of my mind.  

below is a recent picture, one that was taken at the foster home where he's currently living. he looks to be thriving so much more than when i first met him.  oh how i'd love to kiss those cheeks!

the message i got today was from a family who is submitting their letter of intent to adopt him!  i stand amazed.  when i met him, the orphanage didn't know his exact age and wasn't clear on his medical background.  he couldn't walk or talk.  although i fell in love with him, i was afraid that he'd be a really difficult placement.  let's be honest, a lot of adoptive parents have their hearts set on young children (if not babies) who are healthy or have very minor health issues.  other than the chinese name that the orphanage gave him, he was basically otherwise unknown.  

while i don't yet know the ending to this little boy's story, even what has happened thus far demands my acknowledgment of god's plan and provision, even for those who have no voice, for those who appear (by us) to be unknown.  god knows.  i hope and pray that i can post a picture some day soon of him with his forever family and that he'll come to know the god who knows every single detail of his being.

i consider it such a privilege and honor to experience these stories first hand and hope to have many more testimonies of what god's doing in the lives of children like him over the next few months. 

O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
    you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
    so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
Psalm 10:17-18

{hhi: august update}

below is the most recent newsletter from hope harvest international (hhi), 
which is one of the organizations i'll be working with this fall. 
can't wait to join in the work they are doing!