Wednesday, December 2, 2015

{my first advent prayer}

at church last sunday, my role was to light the first advent candle and to pray. i spent hours trying to discern how the spirit was leading me to combine the advent season/god's character with everything from the current events of our world/nation/city down to my specific church happenings. oh, and while also trying to stay within the time limit. ;) 
one friend was blessed and asked me to "publish" somewhere, so... here it is:


dear heavenly father,
great is your faithfulness 
and marvelous are your deeds
just and true are you ways
you are the lord almighty
who was, and is, and is to come


god, it can be challenging to reconcile YOUR character with current events;
i’m left only to conclude that this world is not as you intended it to be
it is distorted. evil is lurking. chaos and devastation abound.
there is rising tension around subjects of race, refugees and religion
between war-torn nations, terrorist atrocities and senseless shootings…
blood-shed is unending
moral failures and illness plague our families… robbing us of our loved ones
distrust and dissension can be found amongst the very church 
that is called to be YOUR bride
most everywhere we look there is immense darkness… confusion... hopelessness


as we enter into this advent season,
remind us that into darkness, confusion and hopelessness
is the very place you sent your son over 2000 years ago


as we celebrate and rejoice in the birth of our savior in the coming weeks
may our hope be renewed and strengthened as we meditate ALSO upon his return


some day there WILL BE justice.
the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, 
the idolaters and all the liars-- their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur


some day ALL will be made new.
and the dwelling of god will be with men, and we will be his people
and he will wipe every tear from our eyes
and there will be no more mourning or crying or pain


god, as we eagerly await and hasten that day…


help us not retreat from this world in fear or pain,
but persevere in seeking justice and loving mercy
while claiming the truth that YOU will never leave us or forsake us


god, help us to live holy and godly lives
may there be urgency in our repentance
that we be found spotless, blameless and at peace with YOU


may we be careful, so that our hearts are not weighed down with dissipation,
drunkenness and the worries of this life


teach us to be on guard against godlessness in these last days,
keeping in step with the spirit so that we might inherit the kingdom of god


god, as our church prepares to move to breakthrough
unite us during this time of transition and change
although we may not clearly see or even understand the decisions
may we move forward BY FAITH alone
may our entire community exercise patience to wait upon the lord,
seeking wisdom and the spirit’s leading for what our next steps will be


we pray for pastor frank as he brings us today’s message
use his presentation of YOUR holy scripture to renew our minds
and remind us of the matchless hope we have in jesus
may christ’s light penetrate into the darkest and most desperate areas of our lives


god, may YOUR will be done
and YOUR kingdom come, ever so quickly

in jesus' name we pray, 
amen

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

{do something}

does something ever tug at your heart, but you're not exactly sure what you're suppose to do about it? maybe the solution seems too big? or not within your capabilities? but, nonetheless, you can't seem to get it out of your head?

i felt that way many times while in china. just a few weeks before i was scheduled to return home, a new baby boy arrived at the orphanage. after examining him, i knew why he had likely been abandoned... he had down syndrome. he was just under 5 pounds and his umbilical cord was still attached. he seemed so small and frail; i was worried for his future (especially knowing i'd be leaving soon). 

i wasn't sure what to do, but decided to send one facebook message to a family friend in the states. i simply explained what i knew of this little boy (who we hadn't even named yet) and i asked her if she knew of anyone who might be interested in adopting him.



within days (still prior to leaving china) i was contacted by a family. and to make a long story short, that same family has been matched with him and are waiting to receive their letter of approval from china! 

sometimes you don't have to do anything big, but just do something... it was one facebook message. and through that one message (and the obedience of those on the receiving end to do something-- from sharing that message to saying a prayer to pursuing his adoption), god is forever changing this child's future.

i named him moses

i remember his mom asking how i chose his name. i simply shared that although he didn't arrive in a basket on the nile river, there was something about his little body all swaddled in the layers and layers of chinese blankets that reminded me of the moses story. (later she shared that they'd be keeping his name, which is always special.)

i got to meet moses' (already, but not yet) family when they were in chicago back in april. what a treat to spend time with this couple who is passionate about serving jesus and adoption. i seriously could not have hand-picked a better family for moses. i could go on and on about seeing god in ALL the details, but one i especially enjoyed was meeting moses' big brothers... and learning that their names are isaiah and david. what a perfect fit in oh so many ways!


the thompson family is fundraising a portion of moses' adoption costs and i'd love to provide you the opportunity to be involved. click here to learn more. 

and whatever that "thing" might be that you can't get out of your head, but yet you've done nothing about... maybe you're unsure if you can be the solution or can even make a difference... i'd challenge you to do something and see how god might work through you. 

Friday, August 21, 2015

{how's the race?}

3 years ago today, glo met jesus face-to-face. 

my habit for this day includes rereading what i shared at her service (see below). while it still elicits an emotional response, this year i can honestly say it also encompasses gratitude for the ways in which i see god's goodness and faithfulness prevailing. 

don't get me wrong, i miss glo deeply! there are days i still selfishly long for her laughter or her wisdom or simply her presence to do life with. or moments when her (now) 6-year-old daughter asks me why people get sick... and die, that i desperately wish glo were here so that her daughter's frame of reference would be limited to elderly, great grandparents (and not include her mother). 

it will probably never make sense to me this side of heaven, but i choose to trust in a god whose actions and wisdom are described by a.w. tozer as:

All God’s acts are done in perfect wisdom, first for His own glory, and then for the highest good of the greatest number for the longest time. And all His acts are pure as they are wise, and as good as they are wise and pure….   

Wisdom, among other things, is the ability to devise perfect ends and to achieve those ends by the most perfect means. It sees the end from the beginning, so there can be no need to guess or conjecture. Wisdom sees everything in focus, each in proper relation to all, and is thus able to work toward predestined goals with flawless precision.     

today i'm simply thankful for god's grace that has kept me running this race. and reflecting on how fast this life is going by, wondering if i'm stewarding well all that he's blessed and entrusted me with. hoping and praying that when my day comes, i too will have finished well and will be found faithful in the eye's of my savior.


**********************
my name is april, and i met gloria 13 years ago. somewhere between then and now we became the best of friends, probably even more like sisters.

many of you are thinking there is NO WAY i’m gonna get through this speech. call me crazy, but this afternoon i could sense glo’s encouragement… it was like i could almost hear her voice telling me i can do it, like i’ve heard so many times before.  :)   

honestly, i still can’t believe i’m standing here before you all doing this. it was just over 6 short years ago that i was giving the toast at her wedding. that was a huge honor. over the past few days I’ve come to realize, despite the deep pain and sadness, what an even greater honor it is to speak here on gloria’s behalf… for her life WELL lived. 

from the overwhelming amount of support i’ve received in the past few days in emails and fb messages (some from people i’ve never even met) and reading the unending posts, it is clearer than ever that glo left an imprint on nearly everyone she came into contact with! the number of people here tonight, alone, is a testament to this. and most of you aren’t here just out of obligation. i bet you each have a story, if not numerous ones, to share about glo.

we’d probably ALL comment about her big beautiful smile, her contagious laugh, her love of music and of life itself.   

some of you might remember the little girl who grew up as a tomboy, tagging along with her older brothers. or maybe the high school girl wearing her jordan tank over a t-shirt, with her baseball cap. northwestern friends are definitely envisioning glo in her overalls. and on another day, maybe a different pair. did she have a pair of overalls for each day of the week? also during college and campus crusade years, she was probably never far from her guitar. music was already a huge part of her life by then… if not leading worship, singing in an a cappella group…can you still hear her beautiful voice?  

although you’d hear her talk about failing organic chemistry TWICE… you never heard her talking much about going to harvard…maybe just a school “near boston”.   

and i have to mention her sunglasses. does anyone know when glo first started wearing them on her head… in every season… most every day of the year?

on a more serious note, glo was a friend to me like no other. we met under unique circumstances, doing missions in china. due to illness and a very serious accident that occurred within the first few weeks, glo quickly became the only single girl left on her team. i think i befriended her initially, partly due to the circumstances, but soon i realized god was cultivating what would become my most cherished friendship.

i can’t say enough about glo as my friend…she was super encouraging; my biggest fan! she valued me and cared about ALL the details of my life. she was always quick to point out god’s faithfulness in my past and remind me of his promises for my future. her voice alone could brighten my worst days. she was always patient and willing to offer assistance when I was flustered or stressed out. she knew my shortcomings, insecurities, sins… and she still loved and believed in me! she spoke truth with gentleness. she pursued holiness and inspired me to do the same. her singing, musical talents and style of leading worship… for me, no one will ever compare. over time she remained genuine, authentic, humble and committed to our friendship. even at the end, she continued to care about me and my life, despite everything going on in her’s.

glo and i did enjoy getting pedicures and going to concerts together… but what i’m really gonna miss most is just doing life together… with someone who completely “gets” me…running errands, talking about our days, praying, catching up on favorite tv shows, laughing, serving together, taking the girls to the park, even returning her pages when I’m at the hospital…

my most prized possessions from glo are her written words. i have more than 50 cards and letters from over the years. many express appreciation and gratitude, are rooted in scripture and biblical truths, and conclude with some challenge to press on. others contain a confession of sins or even ask for my forgiveness. they represent our friendship thru life’s peaks and valleys… and most importantly that we learned to live out the gospel towards one another. our friendship was far from perfect; but by god’s grace it grew to be something uniquely special. 

one thank you note glo wrote to me while in china mentioned proverbs 17:17 “a friend loves as all times.” she mentioned how too often people leave off the second half of the verse… “and a brother [or sister] is born for adversity.” she went on to express gratitude to god for my being there with her during that super hard year. her last written note to me (that she composed from the hospital) shared that very same verse, again emphasizing the second half. and more than I want to admit it, “adversity” seemed to perfectly bookend our earthly friendship. although that may sound unfortunate to some, there is a sweetness to relationships that have endured both time and adversities, and my relationship with glo did both; it was PRETTY SWEET! 

i experienced much joy and inspiration watching glo in her role as both wife and mom. yet more examples of how she set the bar high for everything she did.

as a wife i observed glo being actively engaged in bettering her marriage, prioritizing time spent with chad, and not settling for average. she may not have cleaned or cooked much, but she loved chad well and lived out a commitment to the marriage covenant that is, too often, unparalleled.

as a mom, glo was the best! she demonstrated unmatched patience and gentleness, silliness and laughter balanced well with discipline, and the grace and unconditional love that allowed kelissa to feel secure and thrive. she also fully surrendered and entrusted her children to god… not only was this lived out during karinna’s 100-day long hospitalization, but also the night before glo went to the ER. that night she told me that if anything ever happened to her, she was confident GOD would take care of the girls, and that they’d be that much more “special” because of it. as our hearts break when we think about kelissa and karinna growing up without their mother, i hope knowing that glo was confident of god’s provision and care for them, will help put our hearts at ease. glo would be quick to remind us that they have an amazing earthly father too!

most importantly, as god’s child, gloria understood her identify in christ. she understood the gospel beyond the power of salvation alone. she was obedient. she did not question the goodness or faithfulness of god’s character, even in her darkest times. from the time i met glo in china until god took her home this past tuesday night, she lived out a desire to glorify god in her life, in all things. in the past few months, when her health was more quickly deteriorating, she sometimes struggled to ask people to pray for her healing. she was specifically concerned that god’s name might be defamed if people prayed and he didn’t heal her in the way we think of. god DID NOT restore gloria’s life on this earth, but he DID heal her completely. i can’t speak for every single person whose heard her story, but it seems like god’s name is being proclaimed in a deeper and more powerful way! and this would make her happy; this is what gloria lived for. 

despite my selfish longings to see and talk to glo again, I’m genuinely thankful glo is now in the presence of our King, she knows no pain or suffering, and is doing what she does best—worshipping!

for the rest of us still left on this earth, there will be mourning and sadness in the days, weeks and months to come. for those of us who believe in jesus, his death and resurrection, may we cling even tighter to the eternal hope we have. may glo’s life example cause nothing but perseverance and encouragement for EACH of us to finish the race well. and if you don’t know jesus, I’ll leave you to ponder this question... for gloria to DESIRE to leave her husband, her two beautiful daughters, her friends and family to be with jesus, doesn’t he have to be better than anything this world has to offer?

glo, I did it!!! 

glo, I love you, I won’t stop missing you, and by god’s grace I WILL see you again in heaven some day.  

Monday, April 6, 2015

{tomorrow keeps coming: brooklyn update}

i handed brooklyn to her parents on january 12th, 2015. it was bittersweet. i knew i'd see her again; her parents welcomed me as "family" and encouraged a continued relationship. i might've guessed i'd see them... yearly? god definitely had other plans; doesn't he always? 


long story short, brooklyn's insurance doesn't consider their local children's hospital a center of excellence for pediatric liver transplants. lurie children's hospital of chicago(!!!) is one of the approved hospitals and quickly became her family's choice. 

say what!?!? the little girl who had captured my heart within the walls of an orphanage on the other side of the world and taught me about loving radically would be coming to chicago? on a regular basis? and i'd get to continue having a relationship with her and her forever family? not to mention walk alongside them for all-things-hospital and transplant related?


brooklyn has been in chicago now twice for pre-transplant work-up/testing. meeting up with her here has been an indescribable experience. she's thriving in her family! her development is exploding! it's like all the potential i saw in her in china coming to life before my very eyes. not to mention the blessing of getting to know her family... lifelong relationships for sure!

sometimes i forget that just months ago brooklyn had (from my human perspective, at least) no real hope.... no family, no options for medical treatment, etc. 

brooklyn is now on the liver transplant list and we pray and wait for the phone call. it could be tomorrow. it could be months from now. there is probably even a small possibility (although who wants to acknowledge that) that it could never happen. while i do have tremendous hope for brooklyn's future now, her medical situation still demands radical faith and trust and surrender. (and i'm only her auntie!) 


would you join me in praying for the perfect match and timing of her liver transplant? and for her parents as they are really the ones living out this "waiting." 


the more i'm involved in brooklyn's story, the more it keeps me in awe of god, reminding me of his abilities and all that he has and continues to do in her life. i'm so thankful to have the privilege of loving her (and now her family too) again; tomorrow keeps coming!


"Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity. 
Love like there's no tomorrow, 
and if tomorrow comes, love again.”   
Max Lucado   

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

{adjusted. adjusting.}

i've been home from china for ~2 months. between returning to work, getting sick, opening months worth of mail, traveling out of state for a friend's wedding (and again for my grandma's funeral), attending a continuing education course, catching up with family & friends, visiting a different ill grandmother, doing taxes and other "life" stuff, etc., i think am finally starting to catch my breath. phew.

i had big plans to sit, process, and blog more stories, updates and reflections on the experience as a whole, but so far that has not happened. i'm still hopeful it will, and in some ways, getting something on this blog tonight is a first step.

many have asked if i'm "adjusted" to being home, and in the most basic sense of the word, i am. obviously there is no longer jet-lag and i'm going about my day-to-day activities per usual. 

but there are, honestly, instances where i'm not adjusted, but adjusting and it's hard. hard because you return to a place where no one experienced what you did; no one fully "gets" it. hard because you have knowledge of what you left behind which can nearly haunt you; what are you suppose to do with all that now that you're back? hard because time away from and/or missing certain aspects of life (in the US) often leads to them being idolized and/or romanticized, and the gap between that and the reality is often disappointing. hard because you're wondering where (passionately, culturally, etc.) it is that you fit. hard because the various perspectives from which you've now observed foster care and adoption paint a much bigger, messier picture: one that can still be described as amazing(!), while simultaneously highlighting, at best, broken systems in a broken world. 

at the end of the day, adjusted or still adjusting... it was 4+ months of wonderful, hard, deeply saddening, amazing, challenging, heart-wrenching, frustrating, stretching, life-changing... all wrapped up into one. i experienced god's favor in ways i never have before. i learned to depend on and trust him for things that really seemed (humanly) impossible. i've been blessed by unique relationships with people, some i've yet to meet in person, who have similar hearts and passions for caring for orphans. i tasted of the lord's goodness and was clearly reminded that jesus is the only hope for our broken humanity. 


Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:8

May the God of hope 
fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, 
so that you may overflow with hope 
by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Monday, January 12, 2015

{hk airport & good news}

while i sat in this airport at the start of this 4-month china stint, i got the news that a boy i called timothy had officially been match with his forever family. this was fantastic news to me, as he was a boy that captivated and burdened my heart after my short-term trip to the beiliu orphanage in 2013. (that post can be read here.)





well, here i am 4 months later, back at the hong kong airport. and guess what... i just got the news that "timothy" (now called joshua by his forever family) will be adopted next week! 

for me, joshua truly represents a picture of god rescuing orphans. in just a little over a year, he'll have gone from being found in a locked orphanage room to a foster home to his forever family. and the transformation that has simultaneously occurred as he's received love and attention and nutrition is truly remarkable. not only has his physical appearance vastly changed, but he's now walking and learning and playing and laughing, etc., which is a stark contrast from the institutionalized-like behavior he demonstrated when i first met him. 



i can't wait to see pictures of him with his forever family! and the best part, i know god isn't done transforming him yet. i'm sure there will be issues to work through, even once he's with his forever family, having experienced such a traumatic past. however, i would like to claim, in faith, god's complete healing for this amazing little boy. and i pray that some day he'd know his heavenly father who rescued him.



{a sweet handoff}

4 months ago none of us knew she existed.
but one mid-september day the jaundiced baby girl with big round eyes caught my attention.
various chinese doctors said she wouldn't live very long.
we advocated for her nonetheless.
a family stepped out in faith to call her their own. 
everyone worked hard and fast(!) on paperwork (family, adoption agency, orphanage, etc.).
god knocked our socks off by raising her adoption expenses in a matter of days.
more paperwork was completed.
lots of people prayed.
god moved mountains!

and a few hours ago, i had the awesome privilege of handing brooklyn over to her parents!!
and by tomorrow/tuesday morning (china time), when i'm boarding my plane to come home, 
it'll be official: she'll no longer be an orphan!



it was definitely a pretty sweet way to end this 4-month stint in china.
and a forever reminder that if something is god's will, nothing can stop it from happening. 

join me in praising god for what he's done; all glory to him alone!

and let's keep praying for sweet brooklyn... 
-for her to easily and quickly feel safe and loved by her forever family
-for her health to hold steady until she's back in the states 
-for her future liver transplant



Saturday, January 10, 2015

{longing for family}

a few weeks ago we contacted families that had adopted from this orphanage in the years past, asking if they'd be willing to share pictures of their children. we obtained photos of the children when they were either still here at the orphanage or newly adopted, as well as pictures of them today (which in some cases, is years later). we printed and laminated the photos, identified the children with both their original chinese and new english (if applicable) names, month/year of adoption and their family name.

i think i had close to 18 families in the final project, which was hung across the room where the nannies dress and bathe the children. (plans were to put a nice bulletin board or something together, but the orphanage director nixed the idea of putting a more permanent fixture anywhere. and because the local stores only sold fluorescent colored pieces of large paper, the final project was definitely a bit more elementary school style-ish than i would have liked, but it got done nonetheless.)




the nannies love updates, especially photos, of the kids they've cared for. i am hoping this might provide daily encouragement for them to love and care for the children well.

on christmas eve, when i took some cookies, christmas music, coloring, etc., and headed upstairs, one of the older non-verbal boys grabbed my arm. he loves treats, so i was sure he wanted to see what exactly i had with me. but it wasn't that. he took me into the room where the photos were hanging. he started verbalizing sounds, pointing at the photos, etc. at first i asked him if he remembered someone in the photos, as he'd older and probably remembers most everyone on the wall. but that clearly wasn't it. i watched his gestures again, and after pointing to the pictures on the wall, he kept pointing to himself. then i got it; he wants a family. when i asked him if he wanted a family, just like the kids on the wall, he immediately started shaking his head, "yes!"  




pray for zachery and all those he represents who long for family. even though some of them have never been around a family and likely have no real concept of that what is, they still long for it... to be loved... to have someone's attention... to be hugged.... and everything else their little minds hope "family" entails.